


Hammer Time

by FrozenHearts



Series: I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends [6]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Todd Brotzman, F/M, Gen, M/M, Matchmaker Wanda Maximoff, Mentioned Amanda Brotzman, Mentioned Vision - Freeform, Mistaken Identity, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, Past Dirk Gently/Thor, Unrequited Love, Wanda ships it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8577049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenHearts/pseuds/FrozenHearts
Summary: Thor is actually much prettier than Dirk let him on to be.





	

He knew what Dirk had said. Todd knew that Dirk had said that Thor was not as handsome as people said he was. It begged the question of when and how and why and where Dirk met Thor, but seeing as he found out that Dirk came to America just around the time of the Battle of New York (a monstrosity for Amanda's disease, if he was being honest), then he could see how Dirk got the chance to meet Thor.

What he didn't know was that he met every single Avenger, and single handedly stopped Loki from actually doing anymore harm than he already had. Todd suspected it had to do with Dirk's ability as a psychic (even though Dirk would deny it to high heaven as always), since Natasha Romanoff (Todd couldn't believe he was talking to the freaking Black Widow and hadn't died yet, holy shit) mentioned something about Dirk figuring out how to jam Loki's scepter into the portal to disarm it, despite having been hiding out in a remote corner of Scotland trying to avoid getting killed (which seemed to happen quite often.)

So not only did Todd escape a conversation with the Black Widow with his life, he was meeting the newest members of the Avengers. Which was awesome.

Dirk had dragged Todd to a plain enough skyscraper in the city, with the inane thought that Patrick Spring's map wanted him to go there next, and they would know the clues when they found them. Sam and Tony were the first two Todd was introduced to, the two heroes when they walked into the living area, "Hey, Dirk! What Holistic shenanigans are we up to this time?"

"Right! That is clasified, I'm afraid." was Dirk's reply.

Tony pouted, "You're a private detective, Gently. It can't be that bad."

"If I may-" Todd tried to cut in unsuccessfully.

"Dirk!" a woman with brown hair wiggled her fingers at the duo, Todd jumping as she seemed to materialize right behind them. Wisps of red emanated from her fingers.

This one had to be Wanda. Todd saw her on the news one day, although she had been wearing a red leather jacket, looking rather like an ant on his cracked television screen.

"Wanda, lovely to see you again, but my friend assistant and I are here purely on business-" Dirk gave her a wan smile, but Todd saw the mischievous smirk sent his way.

"Vision already told Thor you were coming," Wanda said pointedly, "Don't bother trying to leave early."

Todd did double take- was Dirk blushing? Was he honest-to-God embarrassed?

It took him a minute to realize Wanda was giving him a sidelong glance, "Todd Brotzman. I know your mind says otherwise, but are you and Dirk dating?"

"Wanda." was Natasha's warning as she waltzed into the kitchen and Todd wantes to pinch himself because there was no way he waa going to survive after this encounter. He silently thanked Patrick Spring for this mind boggling map as Wanda huffed.

"Thor still misses him, Natasha," Wanda's accent was thick, "I can hear his thoughts."

"Wanda, please, Todd and I are on a very classified mission and we must be going soon. All I ask-"

Todd raised an eyebrow at the sudden booming voice that was the God of thunder:

"Tis the fair Lord Gently! Oh, joyous is the day we meet again!"

And Todd was thusly presented with a large, overtly muscular man bounding over and wrapping Dirk in a hug. He almost swallowed the man whole, as Todd was able only to see the top of Dirk's head and the sway of his feet as Thor lifted him off the ground.

When they broke apart, Todd was surprised to see Thor looking expectantly at him, Lord Todd, I presume?"

Todd felt his lips twitch in a parody of a smile, his heart racing as he nodded, "Y-Yeah. That's me."

Thor smiled warmly, showing off perfectly white teeth and Todd felt his insides melt.

Damn, Thor was pretty. Like, unearthly gorgeous. Ethereal. His arms were the size of his head, his tousled blond hair shining in a sudden halo of light, and Todd found it hard to believe he was evem standing there-

"Is it safe to assume that you are Lord Dirk's recent conquest?" Thor's gentle question broke his trance. Todd frowned.

"I'm sorry?" Todd prompted.

"Wow!" Dirk pantomimed looking at a watch, his wrist bent oddly, "Would you look at the time-"

"Dude, wanna stay for a round of Russian Roulette?" Sam broke through the awkward silence, "This version doesn't involve bullets either, just chocolate and a pepper."

"Sam, the game, when you play after Todd and I leave, is going to end with Tony trying to switch the chocolate with yours and Clint will end up eating the pepper because he won't realize it's for the game."

Todd chuckled at Sam's look of shock, "Are you psychic?"

"Yes!" Todd called triumphantly before Dirk could protest, "I knew you were, Dirk!"

"I am not!" Dirk whined, "Now, Thor it was nice to see you, but Todd and I must be going now!"

Todd figured Thor was pining. His face fell as Dirk gave him a stiff wave before Todd felt Dirk grab his arm and practically drag him from the building.

Even after the odd encounter and being totally right about Dirk's psychic abilities (since Todd knew Dirk was just being a baby about it), one thing was still nagging him.

"You never said you and Thor dated," Todd stated when they reached the car.

"He believed I'd be able to use my psychic abilities to save his home and took my help as a romantic gesture," Dirk explained as he climbed into the driver seat, "I mean, sure I predicted correctly that Loki would break out od the prison and thus start a war against the Frost Giants, whom they'd have to use an Infinity Stone to defeat properly in the end. But it's preposterous, isn't it? I mean, could you even imagine if I had psychic abilities?"

"But you are psychic," Todd furrowed his brow, "Remember the cowboy drawing?"

Dirk blew a raspberry, "Please- that was just-just luck! It was pure simple luck!"

Todd smirked, "Thor is prettier than you said he was."

"You're still hung up on that?" Dirk revved the engine.

Todd nodded, "What was dating a god like?"

The car rattled as they peeled away from the building and down the road. As per the norm, Dirk was absolutely atrocious behind the wheel, Todd holding onto the dashboard for dear life.

"I am not discussing my love life with you, Todd," Dirk said, "Shall we go find Lydia Spring?"

"Come on, Dirk. Thor still looked pretty hung up. Over you- how many people can say that?"

Dirk muttered something unintelligible under his breath, but Todd felt he had won this victory.

Dirk and Thor still liked each other and Todd was going to hold this against Dirk for as long as he could. It wasn't everyday you could say your somewhat-friend dated a god and that you survived a meeting with the Black Widow without getting threatened, maimed or killed.

After reaching the outskirts of the city, Todd let himself relax against the dashboard, drumming his fingers against the plastic.

What else could he learn about Dirk for the remainder of the ride? He checked the clock- it looked like they had enough time for a few questions.

Todd settled into his seat. It was going to be a long ride.


End file.
